Money above and beyond child support? Love my kids but hate this Divorce thing.?
I have 2 children with my ex wife and have child support taken directly from my pay and deposited into her checking account each month. I have been divorced for just over 3yrs now and am remarried. My current wife has 2 children that I legally adopted and they are 4 & 5 yrs old. My current wife and I work full time and I am also finishing up Nursing school. It takes everything we have to make it. Unfortunately when I was going through my divorce I never got a second opinion on the agreement from a lawyer and being the nice guy that I am, signed off on the papers. My ex and I used the same lawyer to save money on the divorce. At the time, it was what I would consider an amicable divorce. In the papers it says that I am responsible for child support in addition to half of any school fees and any other activities such as sports etc. We live in KY and yes we have all of our teeth and wear shoes. My ex wife is remarried, makes really good money and lives in a big home. We have joint legal custody which means our kids live with her, I am supposed to have them every other weekend, and I should have a say in what my kids do. She does not include me in any decision in the activities our kids take part in but I am still responsible according to court papers to pay for half of the activities. This is just too expensive for me and I think she knows it but she always sends me emails and text messages with amounts and asks when she can expect a deposit for my half. I use to just fork over money but have recently realized that it’s ridiculous and stopped doing it. I even consulted with a lawyer and showed him a list of activities that she sent me and he even said I was getting ripped but advised it may be difficult to change since it is in my divorce agreement and I signed off on it. Stupid me!!!! I have not seen my kids in a while and believe they do not like coming to see me because my current wife and I are on a strict budget and live a simple life without a lot of entertainment. My ex gives our kids, who are 10 & 12 yrs old, whatever they want and lets them do pretty much whatever they want too. Granted they are good kids and do well in school, and I am not against letting kids take part in sports and activities. I still think there should be a limit and a line drawn and folks should live within their means. My ex even tried once to get me to sign off and let my daughter change her last name to her step dad’s name and I refused. She stated that if I would do it that she would never ask me for anymore money outside of regular child support payments again. I love my kids but think my ex is a controlling money hungry person and that is partly why we are divorced. I also think she may be influencing our kids not to come around me. I had my child support lowered just this past year due to the fact that she makes so much money and the monthly amount was killing me. My lawyer advised I could have child support services review the figures since it had been 3yrs since the initial divorce. He was right because they did lower it and it did help some but now my ex keeps nagging me about money for this and that outside of my regular support payments and brings up the fact that it is in our divorce agreement. Is there anything I can do to get this changed? I’m doing the best I can until I graduate from Nursing school in the Spring and hope to have a better job however I still don’t see why I should have to pay extra outside of child support when the support that I pay is quite enough. She drives around in a new convertible BMW while I live in a modest home, drive a modest vehicle and live on a strict budget. I also miss my kids. I try to communicate with them via emails, texts, vm and even facebook but get little to no response. I’m at my wits end. I really hate this whole divorce thing but love my kids.
You can ask your attorney to have the marital agreement set aside because conditions for both you and your ex-wife have changed and that when you signed the agreement in your divorce things were better with you and different for your ex-wife. Now those circumstances have changed. You can also advise the court that your partial custody rights have been curtailed by the parent who has the Primary Physical Custody. You will also mention that the activities you agreed to support prior are no longer the activities in which the children participate and that you cannot continue to support the ex-parte demands of your ex-wife without oversight of the court. You should ask your attorney to either negotiate a new agreement for you and then have it made as a Court Order … then have all the money that you pay go directly to the court and then the court will make payments to her. The extra money that you may or may not pay for your children should be predicated on activities that they do with you as well as their mother. And if the mother can’t uphold her end of the bargain by making sure that the children spend quality time with you, then she’s to be held in Contempt of the Court Order and you should make sure she’s taken to task for that. You can’t continue to be the wimp in all this. So long as you let her be in control .. she will be. You have JOINT custody and it sounds like you’ve not made sure that you do your part to make it so.
| Nov 19, 2009
Such a touchy situation to get advice on. I really do not have much to say except stay patient for your kids well being. They are much better off with parents who are both strong and have a level of respect for each other. I’m not saying just give her everything, just balance your options keeping your children in mind. Good luck and I’m sorry you struggle to see your children that must be very hard for you.
oden | Nov 19, 2009
Stop whining. What your ex drives and what she lives in is none of your business and has no bearing on your payments to take care of your kids. I am SURE your ex is not forcing your kids into activities just to make you pay extra. They are doing these activities cause they want to. If you could not afford it, why take on two EXTRA kids by your new wife? It seems you didn’t have a problem affording them did you? Go back to court and have the judge review things….then pay for your kids, activities and all, like you should be doing. You made ‘em……time to step up to the plate and raise them. You do not have the right to whine about being in school…..there was time enough for that in the past. Get a job and pay for your kids.
thatartistwin | Nov 19, 2009
If you are not getting visitation with your kids, that is against the divorce degree also. If she isn’t letting the kids come than that is contempt of court. I would insist on the kids coming to see me on my regular visitation, it doesn’t matter if they are in sports or not, she should have taken that into consideration when she let them get involved. Your rights are being stepped on. When she writes about the money, ask when the kids are coming over, because that is also written in the papers. She might change her mind when she finds out that you also have rights and she is going against the courts.
LIPPIE | Nov 19, 2009
make divorce burgers
Christopher W | Nov 19, 2009
You could take it back to court and try to get that language revised. It sounds like you have a good chance.
Jade M | Nov 19, 2009
Dang! Stop crying like a little girl.
Regardless of what they do, they are still YOUR kids!
If she wants them to be in all kinds of activities, then WTF?
Your jealous because of her lifestyle and your taking it out on your
kids.Why should she have to call you every time she has to make a decision?
Unreal. Who carese what your ex is? What you need to care about is your kids.
Dang, your terrible.
And on top of all that, you should of thought about finances before you
adopted someone elses children.
No wonder they ignore you!
Horse Up | Nov 19, 2009
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